The Family Bed

Sometimes, when it's 5 in the morning, and your boys (4 1/2 and 20 months) who share a room are awake, it seems like a good idea to bring the baby into your bed. You'll get unaccustomed snuggle time, you'll get to kiss his cheeks and watch him sleep, and it will be all cozy and adorable. No it won't. It's never a good idea, and you'll get approximately 1/4 the sleep you would have, had you left them together. But you do it anyway. You scoop that baby up, and stumble back to your bed. You lay him down next to you, and everything is quiet. Until he starts grabbing your face to make sure it's still you. It's still you. So he starts standing up in the bed, because he wants to hear your voice, and make sure it's still you. It's. Still. You. Repeat for 30 minutes. Pepper in some hair-pulling, and hysterical laughing (both from the baby) when you tell him sternly, "LAY. DOWN." This kid doesn't take you seriously! You get more stern, "LAY DOWN! Iloveyoumommysnotmad, but LAY DOWN. Please." You try back-patting in various rhythms, you try hugging him close, and you try just pinning him down (gently, of course) to get this kid to lay still and fall back to sleep. Nothing works. You give up, turn over, and fall back to sleep, praying that he doesn't ooch out of the bed and leave the room. He doesn't. He falls asleep. And then the 4-year-old comes in. "Mommy. There's a bug in my bed." So now, your traveling husband's space in bed is filled with two wide-awake kids. Who want to play. Your only solace is that your 6-year-old daughter is sleeping over with her grandparents. You could use her help right about now, though. She's the only kid who knows how to open squeeze-yogurt and turn the kid shows on. Blargh. By now it's 7 AM, and socially acceptable to get up. You ask your 4-year-old about the bug in his bed. "It's right here," he says, pointing to a piece of gold sparkly fuzz. "That's not a bug." "Yes it is," he says. "No. It's a piece of gold sparkly fuzz." Sigh forever. This is the time you start furiously devising plans to move to a bigger house, or trying to fit the baby into the tiny office in a pack and play. Or just give the boys benadryl before bed every night. Better yet, give yourself benadryl, and get some ear plugs. And teach those boys how to turn the TV on and open their own yogurts.